At the memorial, wanting to paint

This too delicious,
she meant the hammock,
it was white & green and woven
warm in a cool breeze and not too
high from the ground and delicious
was the right word.

I wanted music,
beautiful, gentle, melodic, but skipping,
leaping, graceful:
We were in the woods and people would
not stop talking to each other
with concerns & cares & sharp rhythm
that emotional investments bring to the grace
of any language: sharp, hard stops,
retorts, no's, opinions,
I did not want concerns in my ears
I wanted kisses
or tears
moans, or sobs,
I did not care,
except that I did not care for concerns.

I wanted paint:
I had smoked and the filmy, rotten,
full, sweet taste of the tobacco was in my mouth and brain
I had smoked and I wanted to paint.